I usually don't choose the books I read - more often it feels like they choose me. Though it sounds philosophical, its no exaggeration when it comes to the two books that I am about to share in this article. Both found their way into my hands at just the right moment, offering reflections on motherhood that were as timely as they were touching.
The School For Good Mothers and Sandwich are both poignant narratives told through the voice of mothers; sharing deeply their personal journey through motherhood interwoven with love, guilt, resilience and strength to hold it together.
The School For Good Mothers
I often jokingly say that "How lovely it would be if motherhood comes with a guide book!" - better if there is a school that teaches us how to be good mothers! By looks of the title "The School For Good Mothers" seems to align with my thoughts, but it isn't really. Though this is a fictional story authored by Jessamine Chan, every mother could relate, especially if she is an immigrant to countries like Iceland, Finland, Norway, Canada, US etc., that has very strong child protection and upbringing regulations.
This is the story of Frida, a first generation American born to Chinese Immigrants and a University employee in Pennsylvania. She is co-parenting her daughter Harriet after she separated from her husband. One day, exhausted Frida goes out to grab a coffee and then later goes to her office, leaving her toddler Harriet alone in her home for almost 2 hours. That one event, triggers a devastating effect in Frida's life. Harriet is taken away and the government sends Frida to a school for an year to learn how to be a good mother.
It is a school for re-educating Mothers and Fathers as how to be Good Parents. Not sure whether such school exists in reality, but the world that it is as described in the book is bone-chilling, where mothers are kept in lock as prisoners, monitored 24 X 7, denied access to the outside world, trained with lifelike robot kids, punished as severe as no phone calls to families and kids for weeks - at times extending for several months, expulsion from the program which means permanent separation from their child(ren).
Frida’s overwhelming guilt over a mistake that cost custody of her daughter is heartbreaking. Her journey through every rigorous drill at the school—desperately hoping to prove her worth as a mother—is both devastating and gut-wrenching. The trauma experienced by Frida and the other mothers at the school is deeply unsettling, making this story both disturbing and utterly riveting.
Sandwich
Have you ever wonder when your little babies who once clung to your arms and loved your cuddles grew into teens and adults with the lives of their own? You would do anything to turn back time, just to breathe in their baby scent, to kiss their tiny feet and to endlessly watch those giggles. Wouldn't you?
While you ache seeing your babies grow up, there is even a deeper ache witnessing your parents grow old - the thick black hair now replaced by bald patches and grey hair, the once strong muscles that lifted you high now reduced to a frail frame, the sagging skin, missing teeth and cracking knees, each one breaks your heart a million times.
If you find yourself in this tender space—sandwiched between your growing children and aging parents—you are not alone. This bittersweet experience is the core of the book Sandwich, written by Catherine Newman.
Sandwich is the story of Rachel aka Rocky who is in her mid fifties. As a family tradition, her family spends a week at Cape Cod every summer. But this year, the summer vacation doesn't feel the same. With her aging parents one side and her adult children (and their partners) the other side, Rocky is truly sandwiched emotionally and physically. Overwhelmed due to hormonal chaos of menopause, Rocky is flooded with memories from her past. Her anxiety, guilt and simmering emotions, force her to confront her past choices and long held secrets to her family.
The author explored many intimate challenges of life like miscarriage, sexual orientation, parenting, menopause, aging, grief, self doubt and guilt. Though few scenes feel a bit drawn out and overly dramatic, this book reflects the messiness and complexities of life, through the lens of a woman who has spent most of her life caring for others, all the while carrying her own weight and uncertainties.
Sandwich, the story of a daughter, wife, mother and most importantly a woman who is trying to find herself while playing many roles, is raw, real and part humorous.
Final Thoughts
Motherhood isn't a straight road - it is winding, messy and often unpredictable. These books don't offer solutions to our questions, they offer us comfort. They remind us it is ok to feel overwhelmed, broken, to question, grieve, laugh and most importantly prove that we are not alone.
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