Did Kate Williams Read My Mind? My Review of How to Stop Trying

I am sure we all would have heard this statement more than once in our lives from our parents, teachers, siblings, friends, spouse or even a boss: “Try and try till you achieve your dream or target.” It could be finding the job of your liking, marrying the person you desire, or earning that long-awaited promotion. For many of us, these words become the script of our lives - pushing us to always chase the next milestone, to measure our worth by achievements. But what happens when the constant “trying” becomes exhausting? That's the side of the story untold.

What is this book about?

This is what Kate Williams’ "How to Stop Trying: An Overachiever's Guide to Self-Acceptance, Letting Go, and Other Impossible Things" talks about. The book isn’t about throwing away ambitions or giving up on our dreams. Instead, it’s about recognizing the hidden cost of endless striving - the burn out, the inability to rest without guilt, the constant sense of “not enough” and learning how to loosen its grip.

Kate breaks down the psychology of people who push themselves too hard: the perfectionists, the people-pleasers, the go-getters who can’t slow down or stop trying. Through personal experiences and relatable stories, she shows how overachievement often stems not from passion, but from fear - fear of failure, fear of missing out, fear of disappointing others or fear of being seen as “less.” Each chapter nudges the reader toward self-acceptance, reminding us that life is not just a checklist of accomplishments. It is far more human, messy, layered, and gentle than the standards we impose on ourselves.

When a book reads your mind

I was actually genuinely surprised to read many of her thoughts mirroring my own. For instance, the influencer culture these days - thanks to social media, we see white cabinets, perfect bodies, well kept hair and nails, fancy school lunch boxes despite being a working woman, remaining sane and enjoying vacations every quarter. For me this feels like an alpha realm. The pressure around us is so subtle yet so intense that, without even realizing it, we throw ourselves under the weight of guilt for not living up to these carefully curated standards.

People who know that I create content on YouTube often assume I have everything well balanced in life. Those who’ve only seen my neatly packed school lunch boxes don’t know about the days when I simply send my kid with a cheese sandwich. Those who see my recipe videos don’t see the days when my lunch is just plain curd rice, not the colourful, “balanced” meals. Those who watch my travel vlogs think I’m out there living an exciting, luxurious life in Canada. What they don’t see is that I hardly go out and the day to day struggles we face as immigrants.

In short, no one can truly understand another person’s life based on the tiny fraction we see on social media. What we see is just a highlight reel - not the full story. And that’s exactly what this book reminds us of.

Another point Kate Williams makes - one that struck me deeply - is how we all strive to be perfect. The perfect daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect wife, the perfect mother… the perfect everything. For the longest time, that was me too. I constantly tried to live up to every role flawlessly, believing that perfection somehow defined my worth. But there comes a stage in life when you finally pause and ask yourself: What actually matters to me? And I don’t think anyone can reach that stage until they’ve lived through the pressure, the burnout, and the quiet realization that perfection is a moving target. You have to experience it to outgrow it.

Kate Williams, who spent years chasing perfection herself, explains how that pursuit slowly made her lose parts of who she was. Her stories and reflections feel like gentle warnings of what happens when we tie our self-worth to impossible standards.

And don’t let others guilt-trip you. Don’t chase goals or push yourself beyond your limits just because you fear being judged.

When I resigned from my corporate job after moving to Canada, I was flooded with worries - What will my friends, colleagues or relatives think? Will they assume I’m wasting my career or that I'm incapable of handling both home and career? or Will they judge me for taking a break? Those thoughts lingered in my mind far longer than they should have. But at the end of the day, only I knew how much I could handle. A new country, a new role as a mother, health issues, the covid period, a new rhythm to life - it was overwhelming. So I stepped back and took a break. 

Looking back, it was one of the most honest decisions I’ve ever made for myself and it played a huge role in refocusing on my priorities and shaping who I am today. 

What to expect from this book?

Reading How to Stop Trying will make you feel someone gently tapping on your shoulder and say, “You’ve been carrying too much for too long.” Kate doesn’t offer magic solutions or strict rules. Instead, she walks you through her own journey - the mistakes, the realizations, the unlearning - and somewhere along the way, you begin reflecting on your own patterns too.

The book reminds us that

• It’s okay to rest without guilt.
• It’s okay to let some roles be “good enough” instead of perfect.
• It’s okay to choose what truly matters and let go of the noise.
• It’s okay to slow down and not perform all the time.

Most importantly, it reminds us that self-worth doesn’t come from how much we do, but from who we are when we finally stop performing. And if you’re feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or stretched thin, this book gently assures you that it’s perfectly okay to step off the treadmill, take a breath, and simply be. It’s absolutely okay to stop trying!!

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