I am sure we all would have heard this
statement more than once in our lives from our parents, teachers, siblings, friends,
spouse or even a boss: “Try and try till you achieve your dream or target.” It
could be finding the job of your liking, marrying the person you desire, or
earning that long-awaited promotion. For many of us, these words become the
script of our lives - pushing us to always chase the next milestone, to measure
our worth by achievements. But what happens when the constant “trying” becomes
exhausting? That's the side of the story untold.
What is this book about?
This is what Kate Williams’ "How
to Stop Trying: An Overachiever's Guide to Self-Acceptance, Letting Go,
and Other Impossible Things" talks about. The book isn’t about throwing
away ambitions or giving up on our dreams. Instead, it’s about recognizing the
hidden cost of endless striving - the burn out, the inability to rest without
guilt, the constant sense of “not enough” and learning how to loosen its
grip.
Kate breaks down the psychology of
people who push themselves too hard: the perfectionists, the people-pleasers,
the go-getters who can’t slow down or stop trying. Through personal experiences
and relatable stories, she shows how overachievement often stems not from
passion, but from fear - fear of failure, fear of missing out, fear of
disappointing others or fear of being seen as “less.” Each chapter nudges
the reader toward self-acceptance, reminding us that life is not just a
checklist of accomplishments. It is far more human, messy, layered, and gentle
than the standards we impose on ourselves.
When a book reads your mind
I was actually genuinely surprised to
read many of her thoughts mirroring my own. For instance, the influencer
culture these days - thanks to social media, we see white cabinets, perfect
bodies, well kept hair and nails, fancy school lunch boxes despite being a
working woman, remaining sane and enjoying vacations every quarter. For me this
feels like an alpha realm. The pressure around us is so subtle yet so intense
that, without even realizing it, we throw ourselves under the weight of guilt
for not living up to these carefully curated standards.
People who know that I create content
on YouTube often assume I have everything well balanced in life. Those who’ve
only seen my neatly packed school lunch boxes don’t know about the days when I
simply send my kid with a cheese sandwich. Those who see my recipe videos don’t
see the days when my lunch is just plain curd rice, not the colourful,
“balanced” meals. Those who watch my travel vlogs think I’m out there living an
exciting, luxurious life in Canada. What they don’t see is that I hardly go out
and the day to day struggles we face as immigrants.
In short, no one can truly understand
another person’s life based on the tiny fraction we see on social media. What
we see is just a highlight reel - not the full story. And that’s exactly what
this book reminds us of.
Another point Kate Williams makes - one
that struck me deeply - is how we all strive to be perfect. The perfect
daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect wife, the perfect mother… the
perfect everything. For the longest time, that was me too. I
constantly tried to live up to every role flawlessly, believing that perfection
somehow defined my worth. But there comes a stage in life when you finally
pause and ask yourself: What actually matters to me? And I don’t
think anyone can reach that stage until they’ve lived through the pressure, the
burnout, and the quiet realization that perfection is a moving target. You have
to experience it to outgrow it.
Kate Williams, who spent years chasing
perfection herself, explains how that pursuit slowly made her lose parts of who
she was. Her stories and reflections feel like gentle warnings of what happens
when we tie our self-worth to impossible standards.
And don’t let others guilt-trip you.
Don’t chase goals or push yourself beyond your limits just because you fear
being judged.
When I resigned from my corporate job
after moving to Canada, I was flooded with worries - What will my
friends, colleagues or relatives think? Will they assume I’m wasting my career
or that I'm incapable of handling both home and career? or Will they judge me
for taking a break? Those thoughts lingered in my mind far longer than
they should have. But at the end of the day, only I knew
how much I could handle. A new country, a new role as a mother, health
issues, the covid period, a new rhythm to life - it was overwhelming. So I
stepped back and took a break.
Looking back, it was one of the most honest decisions
I’ve ever made for myself and it played a huge role in shaping who I am
today.
What to expect from this book?
Reading How to Stop Trying will
make you feel someone gently tapping on your shoulder and say, “You’ve
been carrying too much for too long.” Kate doesn’t
offer magic solutions or strict rules. Instead, she walks you through her own
journey - the mistakes, the realizations, the unlearning - and somewhere along
the way, you begin reflecting on your own patterns too.
The book reminds us that
- It’s okay to rest without guilt.
- It’s okay to let some roles be “good enough” instead of perfect.
- It’s okay to choose what truly matters and let go of the noise.
- It’s okay to slow down and not perform all the time.
Most importantly, it reminds us that self-worth
doesn’t come from how much we do, but from who we are when we finally stop
performing. And if you’re feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or stretched thin,
this book gently assures you that it’s perfectly okay to step off the
treadmill, take a breath, and simply be. It’s absolutely okay to stop trying!!
Comments
Post a Comment